just call me grimey

hungryhearted @ 2008-04-11T12:14:00

2008-04-11T16:16:48Z

I'll make the most
Of every second I've been giving</b> with this crowd
Without a doubt, you're all I dream about
At night we lie awake
With stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive
The nights we felt alive

I would've married you in Vegas
Had you given me the chance to say "I do"
Couldn't make it anymore obvious, could you
Be anymore obvious

I would've married you in Vegas
Had you given me the chance to say "I do"
Couldn't make it anymore obvious, could you
Be anymore obvious, could you?

_____________________________________________

I'm not proud of this.
It's just who I am.

hungryhearted @ 2008-04-04T14:00:00

2008-04-04T18:01:04Z

to charlie</a>

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-20T05:16:00

2008-03-20T05:17:52Z

Cold

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things
I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-14T21:54:00

2008-03-14T22:02:45Z

I need cigarrettes.
I'm half tempted to drink.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-13T11:33:00

2008-03-13T16:36:09Z

I'm kind of excited today

Thomas Aquinas believed that God ruled over the orderly universe.
Who wrote the Canterbury Tales?
Geoffrey Chaucher

Micael of Cervantes

flying buttress
decorated winderss

Couldn't join a guild or attend college - women

Cambridge and Oxford - first two universities
vernacular

100 year war
joan of ark

Babylonian captivity
Pope went to ____

Marco Polo described what he saw in China

math science were adopted from muslims

We could sooo paint something in half an hour. I could most definately paint a pretty picture for someone.
*smile*

1. Get unreasonably excited When your English teacher mentions euphemisms.
Yes

2. See a pigeon and think 'Lardener!'
um..

3. Are tempted to apply to Nottingham University for no other reason than its connection with Robin Hood.
YES I AM

4. Are tempted to say "They aren't crying, they're laughing on the wrong side of their face." when someone cries.
Yeah I have

5. Haved watched the Crafty craftsman, Honey euphemism, Booby & the Beast, Will and Djaq barn scene 'episode clips on youtube countless times.
Teheehee

6. Wish it was October already!
YES I DO! GOD!
7. Have taken up writing fanfiction again because you have so many ideas of possible situations for your favourite characters.
Yes, where Marian DOESN'T die!

8. Yell at your family/housemates to shut up so you can watch Robin Hood and not miss anything, even if you've seen it ten times before.
All the time. You have no idea.

9. Sulk when you discover Will/Allan/Much/Djaq doesn't have a character profile on your DVD.
I still have to order the Dvd *gasp*

10. Listen to songs and apply the lyrics to characters from the show.
I HAVE!

11. Your wallpaper on your laptop is a character from the show.
Yep

12. Search obsessively for cast interviews on youtube.
Yah

13. Randomly hum the theme tune to yourself.
I do

14. Suddenly know where Nottingham, Israel and Acre are on the map.
SO TRUE!

15. Have tried to find to find Sherwood Forest/Locksley/Acre on Google Earth.
YEAH!

16. Have made your own fan video and posted it on youtube
mhm.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-12T19:24:00

2008-03-12T23:29:43Z

After school significantly cheered me up
first I finished my watercolor with nuria (which I decided to dedicate to her)
and her amazing critique

then christina and I went to the art floor and decided to paint
and I had to go to the bathroom
therefore I couldn't have acted like I was on acid any more then I did
but Christina was playing along so it was double the fun
and I painted the picture for her
and I painted a picture for someone else

I have to do that more often
So uh thanks guys for making me feel better

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-12T18:53:00

2008-03-12T22:55:13Z

for christina
for jane
um yeah she's a SNAKE not a mermaid!

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-12T11:53:00

2008-03-12T16:32:53Z

ETCH'e'SKETCH
or however the fuck it's spelled
well we found it out

People are getting to be more and more of an annoyance
Marie apparently wants to punch me in the face
I really hope she does one day

Also I think that once I tell someone how I'm feeling
I gradually start disliking them

I think I'm going to throw up

Edit:
Okay, i don't feel so bad anymore.
I think I'm just tired out.

I need a nap
...I don't even want to say it

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-11T22:25:00

2008-03-12T02:26:30Z

That cigarette would be nice.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-10T23:48:00

2008-03-11T03:49:49Z

AHA!
I FINISHED MY GLOBAL ESSAY
AND MY RELIGION POWERPOINT!
I'M 2/3 FINISHED WITH MY BIO PROJECT
AND JUST THE ANALYTICAL ESSAY!

How's that for homework power?

I just read over some old convos
I haven't smiled that big in a while
I miss those days (octoberish?)
There was one part that made me squirt water out my nose
I liked myself better
I was funny

hahaha ihop: a place a magic and pancakes and dancing and joy and happiness

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-10T23:35:00

2008-03-10T23:42:11Z

I'm really angry
So angry that I'm screaming at my tv for playing shitty ass songs and bad episodes
I don't want to fucking watch spongebob as a normal person
And this is all because I can't do my 2 essays and powerpoint.
Mrs butcowski is gonna be so mad.
I couldn't even find anything on isaiah. He didn't do anything for poverty. Like wtf?
Ughh.
No mariah carey! NO!
And no pink! Ew!
And christina, thank you for the lovely message that WASN'T a comment. Lol
<3
And um nuria I hope you feel better :/

Someone should call me please :[

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-09T12:28:00

2008-03-09T18:30:56Z

I had a nice dream last night
ah good images
:]

haha
I've been watching more deathnote

I'm still so bored
Somebody needs to get online

SLYTHERIN DEATHNOTE?!

and this just made me laugh because he did that last night.

I'm just posting this in case I want to see them again and I'm too lazy to save this stuff to my desktop lala

but there's still no one online
ugh

um
last week of school coming up
yup

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-08T11:24:00

2008-03-08T16:47:30Z

I'm having a rather boring saturday

more here

I'm probably not going to move from my bed all day

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-07T23:44:00

2008-03-08T04:46:02Z

There's a lump in my throat
and I can't get out what I'm trying to say.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-05T21:18:00

2008-03-06T02:22:13Z

I feel goood
tonight was very nice

hide&seek tomorrow
lalalala

I'm also bringing danica in
haha SHOW AND TELL
I'm really not looking forward to this overnight though
butcowski is going to be there
10$ says she won't let me wear pajama pants

But eh
I'm still slightly optimistic tonight.

MHMMM GURL
I need a hair cut baaad.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-05T10:38:00

2008-03-05T17:08:22Z

The overnight is tomorrow.
I'll do anything to get out of it.
I hope Dani gives me mono.

Kenneth, stop. You're talking about absolutely nothing and I can't even understand you right now. The only thing I just got was how somebody strapped him to a horse while he was still dead and made the horse ride into the moores and they kept shooting but he kept coming. We started have a philosophical arguement and I said what I thought which I think made him incorrect and of course everyone wants to know what I think then with their faces at me because hint that I don't believe in "god" because I said what he said didn't make sense. It doesn't. How could there be a being that always was? I don't even care whether there is or isn't a divine being. I really don't. All I care about is my life and what happens to me and the people around me. I don't care about proving that there's someone who can control us all. Not like it really makes a difference to me.

I accidentally skipped English. I really didn't mean to but I had to print out my creative piece. Plus she's making us submit something to Pegasus. I might be wrong but THEY READ YOUR WORK. I can't have people other then my actual english teacher reading my work. It just doesn't work that way. Ahh stressstress.

We get out at an extrememly odd time of 1:20. I have to stay till 2:30 though because I have no ride home and even if I did I have no key. So I'm stuck here for an hour more then I want. I think the only person who is staying is Lisa but she's working otherwise I'd be fine staying. I could go to iona and see fez but I really don't want to go over there. To think, all this hassle for some teacher meeting.

I forgot my bio assignment was due today. Yeah! Another way to brighen up today. It's just been an awful week. But my mood isnt' really as awful as it should be. I just kind of feel happy today despite all the crap. Mrs. Butcowski and I were having a few laughs about god knows what. Seiler wants to see me after class. Here comes those butterflies.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-04T13:54:00

2008-03-04T18:57:21Z

I know I quit and all
but can't I have a couple for an emergency?
Today feels like an emergency.
But I won't, after all I kind of promised.

I just remembered I have detention today..
but I'll be in room A423 for an art project till 3:30
Thn detention from 3:30 to 4:00

Just in case anyone wants to visit me..
Things like this make me make bets with myself.
It'd be nice if someone made me lose the bet today.

Ahh but who cares, right?

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-03T22:11:00

2008-03-04T03:46:26Z

I'm very hungry. It's kind of just annoying me right now. I'm sitting here just hugging onto my ugly doll, danica, while I watch some lifetime movie. It's annoying me extremely. It's about this girl who tries to fit in but her "friends" make a fool out of her and verbally abuse her. It's frustrating but all lifetime movies are because they're all like this. Making the entire high school look bad but the one victimized girl. She could handle it, no one has to fight their battles for them. Girls like that need some character. Oooh I want to see what she's going to do. I hope she does something good. OF COURSE NOT. Of course she tries to kill herself. She should get some sort of revenge not try and kill herself. Make them hurt, not her. After all, it is all their fault and are just nasty little girls. Oh she just gulped down all these pills. Now she's being rushed to the hospital. Movies like this bother me. In fact, I think I just might change the channel.

I feel like getting food but my mom will have a fit. So I still haven't written my english essay and I really don't think I will. I can't do it. I also have my art project to do right now. But, hey, I ain't crying yet. You know what sounds really good? A cigarette. But nooo I quit. No smokes for me. I think Ritz peanut butter sandwiches would make it better though. Cigarettes don't even taste good anymore. I don't really want them I just want something to calm me down. I'm half debating on just getting nicotine patches for the hell of it. It's really not smoking so it doesn't count and I can see myself slapping them on in class. Somehow I feel like using them is breaking the rules though. It's funny how I started with food and ended with nicotine patches.

I got a piece of bread. It's really awful. Y'know, dry and icky. Oh, I got to see Melissa today. I told her about how no one would go with me and the first thing she said was "That really shows how popular you are, Alexa." We both laughed at that one. The Drunk and the Druggie. Haha. I think it's really funny considering I don't even do drugs but she drinks all the time. I don't even smoke anymore. What else is there to do with my life? I'm going to grow up and become.. what? a hairdresser? Probably stay single for the rest of my life and do absolutely nothing and just be a complete waste of space. Doesn't that make me want to grow up. I wonder. If I got to choose I would get a spouse, have sons, work from home and have a couple cats. I wonder what I would want as a job though. I think I would want to open up a home for run aways. Yep. I think so.

I don't even know what I'm blabbing on about. There are 2 girls in school that I want to be friends with. One's a sophomore and one's a senior. I think I could be friends with both eventually. They just seem like chill people. I think I could find myself trusting one of them a lot. It kind of depends if they want to be friends with me. I feel sick again. Ahhh oh well.

That's really it.
I never did get that hug.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-03T12:25:00

2008-03-03T17:26:10Z

I think it's mental breakdown time!
More like mental breakdown 2 weeks.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-03T12:06:00

2008-03-03T17:20:18Z

I have a plan.
It starts today but it would've started yesterday.
14-30days.
I don't know.

I'm going to fail English.
I think I have to fail English because I just can't do it. I have something against writing for other people. I can't write and then have someone read it. No one ever reads what I've written. I just can't do that. It was different in my old school because I was just writing descriptive paragraphs and no one there could write at all. So I don't know, I had confidence. I can't write here, in the school. I just can't do it. I'm not going to sit here in class and start crying about I can't do it. BUT I CAN'T DO IT. I think all the coffee is catching up to me because I'm starting to feel sick. I can feel my back half shaking. It's awful.

Kenneth wasn't here today either. So I got to get to English on time. What a waste.

Ugh.
I think I'm just unhappy today. It's most likely the crash. Plus when I get home, I'm probably gonna binge on cafeine because I can't binge on cigarettes and I can't binge on food. We don't have any food anyway.

I think I'll just sleep after school till I'm picked up at four.

I'm still waiting for that hug.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-02T23:31:00

2008-03-03T04:31:52Z

I don't know if my mood just declines at night
but my brain is telling me to eat comfort like foods
but I can't go get any
I'm confused
I want a hug
A real one

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-01T22:38:00

2008-03-02T03:52:12Z

We all seem to be coming apart
everyone's just dying

I'm just upset
more people are down in the dumps
I'm trying to help but
I guess there's only so much I can do

And I've decided that
there's this one girl in that group of theirs
that really bothers me
I don't know if it's jealousy or
just dislike for her
but... I don't like her.
I don't hate her.
But I'm not fond of her.

:/

Sam and I are starting now at 10:55
Let's see how it goes.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-01T15:12:00

2008-03-01T20:18:34Z

OH! OHHH!
OHHHH HO HO HO!
I SEE IT !
I SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!
Well not really.
I'm just very very... well you know.
GRRAAAA!

YES SEAN YOU AND SAM WOULD SOOOOOO DO THAT TO ME!

and ughhhhhhh i know what you're doing
i'm watching you
watching me watching you
ugh bad images
BAD IMAGES
urghhhhh

AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT READING THIS!
HAHAHA
I COULD POST THE NAMES
AND BE ALL DIRECT
AND DELETE IT IN 30 minutes and you wouldn't read it ;]
because you can't!
neither can you!
well you can!
but you won't!

So I could just say exactly what i'm thinking
and how I flipped out with sean because I knowwww!
I KNOW
you should hear me screaming as I narrate this

Hmmm
I want a kiss.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-01T14:11:00

2008-03-01T19:27:39Z

OKAY
You know what, I think it's time to be honest in a fun way because my mood is soaring as high as a kite (wowwww).

1. Everybody is too sad and honest to god it pisses me off. I don't care what I have to do but I'm going to make all you people happy if it's the last thing I do.
2. Christina, you're still going for it. I obviously don't hate you currently. But don't push me. You're acting a bit immature, babe.
3. For some reason Sean can seriously calm me down since he's so mature. Him and Sam are the cutest couple I've ever met. Get married and have attractive babies, please. I think you guys would have really tan with brown hair attractive babies. Just have to say.
4. Yes, Jane, I am jealous. Everyone wants to hear me say it, riiight? I am jealous. I'm a very jealous person. We all know it. I'm also not angry at you whatsoever. Though even though I'm jealous, you don't know all the facts. So don't assume just yetttt.
5. Lisa, I'm really sorry for snapping at you. I didn't mean it. My moods are like.. devil possessions I swear. I become a monster. It's just like.... RARARARA! OMNOMNOM! Y'know? So sorry.
6. I've still quuit smoking and I don't miss it at all. I can't wait to shove it into my therapist's face. He kept saying "oh that's what they all say". I told him he didn't know me well enough. I just got up and quit. No more smokes for me. I love proving him wrong. Just because he's a doctor.
7. Nuria and Sam s. pleaaaase stop cutting classes and PLEASE STOP TALKING TO MRS. BUSTER! I know it's good to talk to someone but do not talk to her. Find someone else because if either of you are out of the school, then what will I do? I'll help if I can.
8. Lisa, you're so right. I have the worst bunch of friends (no offense). I picked a pretty sad bunch. Too bad I love you guys too much to switch now ;]
9. I need some more music. Stuff with strong vocals like Fireflight or Paramore.
10. I feel selfish when I actually say when I'm upset. When I act sad and then rethink about it later, I kick myself for being so selfish. I should instead be trying to console others. There's my little secret.
11. What really aggravates me is this new episode of iCarly. They hatch 6 chicks and at the end they think they've lost one and it's just so pathetic to me. They didn't have these hxc attachments to the chicks. They had no sentimental value but they decide to add ALL THIS DRAMA and deep music with violins when they think they lost one of the chicks. Awful. Just awful.
12. I'll probably edit this later.

hungryhearted @ 2008-03-01T11:44:00

2008-03-01T16:48:16Z

WHY
ALL THE TIME
all the time

I ruined my art project today
I spilled coffee all over it
I feel like crying

Sean and I are talking
and it's nice because he's mature
him and sam are the sweetest.
probably the most mature of my friends.

Today is awful.
So was last night.

I don't want to go out.
I kind of don't want to talk to anyone.