to charlie</a>

I need cigarrettes.
I'm half tempted to drink.

I'm kind of excited today
( Global Jibberish )

We could sooo paint something in half an hour. I could most definately paint a pretty picture for someone.
*smile*

( I couldn't help myself.. )

After school significantly cheered me up
first I finished my watercolor with nuria (which I decided to dedicate to her)
and her amazing critique

then christina and I went to the art floor and decided to paint
and I had to go to the bathroom
therefore I couldn't have acted like I was on acid any more then I did
but Christina was playing along so it was double the fun
and I painted the picture for her
and I painted a picture for someone else

I have to do that more often
So uh thanks guys for making me feel better

for christina
for jane
um yeah she's a SNAKE not a mermaid!

ETCH'e'SKETCH
or however the fuck it's spelled
well we found it out

( imaginary friends )

That cigarette would be nice.

AHA!
I FINISHED MY GLOBAL ESSAY
AND MY RELIGION POWERPOINT!
I'M 2/3 FINISHED WITH MY BIO PROJECT
AND JUST THE ANALYTICAL ESSAY!

How's that for homework power?


I just read over some old convos
I haven't smiled that big in a while
I miss those days (octoberish?)
There was one part that made me squirt water out my nose
I liked myself better
I was funny


hahaha ihop: a place a magic and pancakes and dancing and joy and happiness

I'm really angry
So angry that I'm screaming at my tv for playing shitty ass songs and bad episodes
I don't want to fucking watch spongebob as a normal person
And this is all because I can't do my 2 essays and powerpoint.
Mrs butcowski is gonna be so mad.
I couldn't even find anything on isaiah. He didn't do anything for poverty. Like wtf?
Ughh.
No mariah carey! NO!
And no pink! Ew!
And christina, thank you for the lovely message that WASN'T a comment. Lol
<3
And um nuria I hope you feel better :/

Someone should call me please :[

I had a nice dream last night
ah good images
:]

haha
I've been watching more deathnote

I'm still so bored
Somebody needs to get online

( DEATHNOTE )

I'm having a rather boring saturday

( I spent half an hour laughing )

I'm probably not going to move from my bed all day

There's a lump in my throat
and I can't get out what I'm trying to say.

I feel goood
tonight was very nice

hide&seek tomorrow
lalalala

I'm also bringing danica in
haha SHOW AND TELL
I'm really not looking forward to this overnight though
butcowski is going to be there
10$ says she won't let me wear pajama pants

But eh
I'm still slightly optimistic tonight.

MHMMM GURL
I need a hair cut baaad.

The overnight is tomorrow.
I'll do anything to get out of it.
I hope Dani gives me mono.

Kenneth, stop. You're talking about absolutely nothing and I can't even understand you right now. The only thing I just got was how somebody strapped him to a horse while he was still dead and made the horse ride into the moores and they kept shooting but he kept coming. We started have a philosophical arguement and I said what I thought which I think made him incorrect and of course everyone wants to know what I think then with their faces at me because hint that I don't believe in "god" because I said what he said didn't make sense. It doesn't. How could there be a being that always was? I don't even care whether there is or isn't a divine being. I really don't. All I care about is my life and what happens to me and the people around me. I don't care about proving that there's someone who can control us all. Not like it really makes a difference to me.

I accidentally skipped English. I really didn't mean to but I had to print out my creative piece. Plus she's making us submit something to Pegasus. I might be wrong but THEY READ YOUR WORK. I can't have people other then my actual english teacher reading my work. It just doesn't work that way. Ahh stressstress.

We get out at an extrememly odd time of 1:20. I have to stay till 2:30 though because I have no ride home and even if I did I have no key. So I'm stuck here for an hour more then I want. I think the only person who is staying is Lisa but she's working otherwise I'd be fine staying. I could go to iona and see fez but I really don't want to go over there. To think, all this hassle for some teacher meeting.

I forgot my bio assignment was due today. Yeah! Another way to brighen up today. It's just been an awful week. But my mood isnt' really as awful as it should be. I just kind of feel happy today despite all the crap. Mrs. Butcowski and I were having a few laughs about god knows what. Seiler wants to see me after class. Here comes those butterflies.

I know I quit and all
but can't I have a couple for an emergency?
Today feels like an emergency.
But I won't, after all I kind of promised.


I just remembered I have detention today..
but I'll be in room A423 for an art project till 3:30
Thn detention from 3:30 to 4:00

Just in case anyone wants to visit me..
Things like this make me make bets with myself.
It'd be nice if someone made me lose the bet today.

Ahh but who cares, right?

I'm very hungry. It's kind of just annoying me right now. I'm sitting here just hugging onto my ugly doll, danica, while I watch some lifetime movie. It's annoying me extremely. It's about this girl who tries to fit in but her "friends" make a fool out of her and verbally abuse her. It's frustrating but all lifetime movies are because they're all like this. Making the entire high school look bad but the one victimized girl. She could handle it, no one has to fight their battles for them. Girls like that need some character. Oooh I want to see what she's going to do. I hope she does something good. OF COURSE NOT. Of course she tries to kill herself. She should get some sort of revenge not try and kill herself. Make them hurt, not her. After all, it is all their fault and are just nasty little girls. Oh she just gulped down all these pills. Now she's being rushed to the hospital. Movies like this bother me. In fact, I think I just might change the channel.

I feel like getting food but my mom will have a fit. So I still haven't written my english essay and I really don't think I will. I can't do it. I also have my art project to do right now. But, hey, I ain't crying yet. You know what sounds really good? A cigarette. But nooo I quit. No smokes for me. I think Ritz peanut butter sandwiches would make it better though. Cigarettes don't even taste good anymore. I don't really want them I just want something to calm me down. I'm half debating on just getting nicotine patches for the hell of it. It's really not smoking so it doesn't count and I can see myself slapping them on in class. Somehow I feel like using them is breaking the rules though. It's funny how I started with food and ended with nicotine patches.

I got a piece of bread. It's really awful. Y'know, dry and icky. Oh, I got to see Melissa today. I told her about how no one would go with me and the first thing she said was "That really shows how popular you are, Alexa." We both laughed at that one. The Drunk and the Druggie. Haha. I think it's really funny considering I don't even do drugs but she drinks all the time. I don't even smoke anymore. What else is there to do with my life? I'm going to grow up and become.. what? a hairdresser? Probably stay single for the rest of my life and do absolutely nothing and just be a complete waste of space. Doesn't that make me want to grow up. I wonder. If I got to choose I would get a spouse, have sons, work from home and have a couple cats. I wonder what I would want as a job though. I think I would want to open up a home for run aways. Yep. I think so.

I don't even know what I'm blabbing on about. There are 2 girls in school that I want to be friends with. One's a sophomore and one's a senior. I think I could be friends with both eventually. They just seem like chill people. I think I could find myself trusting one of them a lot. It kind of depends if they want to be friends with me. I feel sick again. Ahhh oh well.

That's really it.
I never did get that hug.

I think it's mental breakdown time!
More like mental breakdown 2 weeks.

I have a plan.
It starts today but it would've started yesterday.
14-30days.
I don't know.

I'm going to fail English.
I think I have to fail English because I just can't do it. I have something against writing for other people. I can't write and then have someone read it. No one ever reads what I've written. I just can't do that. It was different in my old school because I was just writing descriptive paragraphs and no one there could write at all. So I don't know, I had confidence. I can't write here, in the school. I just can't do it. I'm not going to sit here in class and start crying about I can't do it. BUT I CAN'T DO IT. I think all the coffee is catching up to me because I'm starting to feel sick. I can feel my back half shaking. It's awful.

Kenneth wasn't here today either. So I got to get to English on time. What a waste.

Ugh.
I think I'm just unhappy today. It's most likely the crash. Plus when I get home, I'm probably gonna binge on cafeine because I can't binge on cigarettes and I can't binge on food. We don't have any food anyway.

I think I'll just sleep after school till I'm picked up at four.

I'm still waiting for that hug.